My Birthday Wish

I think I insulted my 88 year old mother today. I called her today (it's my birthday) and told her that I like being out in the world. I told her that I like it better out here than being in the womb, which was too dark and there was no furniture, no museums, no running paths. And my prefrontal cortex was paltry back then.

On a serious note, here is what I want for my birthday: I'd like everyone reading this to go find someone they disagree with and have a heart-to-heart conversation on a difficult topic. For those who voted for Biden, for example, you could visit with a neighbor or relative who voted for Trump. Ideally, this should be a conversation that involves a lot of listening so that you come away from it with a better ability to see the world through that other person's eyes. If this sounds scary, I'd doubly recommend it. If you do this right, you will come away from it with a gift of your own.

This is not just a good idea. I believe that it's the only way forward. "Love your enemy" is a good idea for all of us, not only Christians. You'll find more resources from two of my favorite organizations: Heterodox Academy and Braver Angels. Good luck. Be brave!

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Eric Barker: How to Make Emotionally Intelligent Friendships

Eric Barker is back with another episode, offering us psychological insight and analytics into friendship. He summarizes some fascinating research, including the work by Robin Dunbar, making his entire article well worth a visit. That said, here are Barker's take-aways on how to make and sustain emotionally intelligent friendships:

  • Stay in touch: Friendship is not an arena where you want to play hard to get. What are you, a carnival prize?

  • Gratitude: If we’re more kind to strangers than to friends, we are definitely doing something wrong.

  • Quality > Quantity: Share emotional experiences. That’s the secret to those friendships where you can just pick up where you left off.

  • Budget appropriately: Time is limited. Allocate it wisely. And this is yet another reason to ditch the jerks in your life.

  • How to party: Eat. Laugh. Reminisce. Avoid small talk. The more the merrier. (And maybe a bit of booze.)

  • Make your best friend better: You influence each other more than you know. Make yourself better and help make them better, because, in the end, those two are the same thing.

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They have all the energy in the world. Why? Often because they aren’t building anything.

Haters almost always accuse you of what they themselves are guilty. When they do, listen: It’s about them. You can’t chase these people. They have all the energy in the world. Why? Often because they aren’t building anything. They aren’t saying what they are for except for saying that they want things to be just. And just, often disappointingly, may mean you built stuff they now want.

Lastly, don’t confuse your critics with your haters. Critics see good in you too. Learn to value your critics. They aren’t trying to mess with you. They may not be correct but critics aren’t haters. Learn to spot the differences.

Eric Weinstein

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A Non-Carpenter Looks Closely at Carpentry

My deck boards kept rotting through, so I decided to switch to "no maintenance" composite decking, which comes with a 25 year guarantee. I fix a lot of things at my house, but I suspected that the joists were rotted out and that work is over my head. Luckily, my favorite carpenter, "Matt," had a couple days open. He allowed me to be his carpenter's helper for 12 hours yesterday.

It's amazing to watch a professional carpenter solve challenge after challenge, many of them not obvious to non-carpenters until pointed out. This was notably imperfect existing construction that needed to be torn out. I helped to cut material, make runs to the hardware store, and carry around a lot of material, including 60 lb joists. I was mesmerized by Matt's physical stamina and his thought process as much as his skills in fitting things together into a rock solid new deck and perfect new set of stairs. Even setting up requires unloading and moving probably 700 pounds of equipment off the truck. It also involves significant planning, because getting the job done uses up lots of supplies, including blades and bits. He needs to stock an entire workshop on his truck, including backup tools.

I got back to my routine today, but Matt does this every day. His job requires skills honed over a lifetime and constant physical exertion where mistakes can be expensive and sometimes dangerous. So kudos to those of you who do physically demanding high-skill work. These are people (including carpenters, plumbers, electricians, auto mechanics and many others) with a central role in keeping this country running. Maybe it's time to set aside a day in their honor . . .

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