I’m moving to Delaware! Yep, soon I’ll be an official resident of “the First State.” My corporate counsel buddies have always told me that Delaware has the most corporations domiciled there because Delaware corporation laws are very liberal (read vague, ambiguous and authorizing anything one might wish their corporate entity to do while being hostile to lawsuits against corporate management). Delaware is very proud of its reputation as a corporate haven. And, soon thereafter I will have set my very own corporation “person” on the path to be President of the United States. The recent US Supreme Court decision in Citizens United v. FEC makes all things possible for our state’s corporate citizens. I’ll move to Delaware because our decennial census did not count the over 1 million corporate citizen persons who reside in Delaware. The US Census takes place every 10 years as mandated by Article 1, Section 2 of the US Constitution. Census data are used in apportioning the numbers of US House of Representative seats for each state, the numbers of Electoral College votes for each state and the distribution of billions in federal aid among the various states. The actual numbers used from the 2010 Census will not be distributed to the states until February, 2012. Next I’ll sue in federal court to overturn the 2010 Census for failure to include any of Delaware’s 1 million corporate citizen persons in the Census count for all of the government goodies that are apportioned using Census numbers. Citizens United actually gives us an idea of the numbers of corporate citizen persons disenfranchised by the failure to include corporations in the Census (5.8 million for-profits filed tax returns in 2006, 558 U.S. ___, p.22 (2010)). “Frivolous lawsuit!” you say? Nope. After the decision in Citizens United v. FEC, corporations are people and have the same free speech rights as any other person under the First Amendment and therefore under all the laws regarding the census and apportionment of federal goodies by the United States pursuant to the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution, Section 2.

“Section 2. Representatives shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding Indians not taxed…”

But, that’s not all, folks! The 14th Amendment also now makes corporations the same as you and me. “Corporations are people, my friend.” Remember how when we were kids we were told that anybody can grow up and be President of the United States? Someday soon, maybe one of my new states’ properly recognized and federally certified corporate citizen persons will run for and win the Presidency of the United States. The velvet glove will be off then and the corporations won’t have to get together and invent a candidate and call him George W. Bush or Mitt Romney, again. Gee, maybe that corporation will be one of my own.